What Now?

So, there I was...left in the wake of what I have called a Holy Spirit tsunami. Overwhelmed. Speechless. On fire. Thankful. Free.

I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what happened. The Lord kept reminding me to trust in Him and not to lean on my own understanding. That verse has been a comfort since the Holy Spirit fell upon me. So, for the rest of that night, I simply trusted.

The next day, the conference continued. We heard many different testimonies from amazing women - women freed from pornography, lust, affairs, prideful thoughts, abuse, rape, molestation, hurtful marriages, etc. I was overwhelmed by the love, grace and mercy poured out by our God. After each testimony, we were brought to a time of reflection and journaling. The first two prompts were "Where have you been," and "What is your story?" These two prompts were quite easy for me. I very quickly filled two pages with increasingly smaller lettering. The second two promptings were, "Where are you now," and "What is His truth about you?" As I thought about these questions, I found myself very thankful for the fresh perspective God had given me. I decided to write about what I heard Him say to me the night before. I want to briefly share some of these thoughts -

"Remember it is Him that works in me. I don't have to do it all."

"He loves me where I am...RIGHT where I am."

"I don't have to have it all together to come to Him."

"I am free!"

"I am His!"

"I am loved."

"I am beautiful."

"I have a story."

"He will never leave me."

"His love is not based on my work."

I also included Hebrews 12:2, "Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God." It is He who will complete the work He began in me.

Before the last prompt was given, Doris (the woman who God had used the previous night as His instrument to deliver His message to me), sat beside me. We began to share our different points of view of the previous night. She asked me what happened from my perspective. I told her that the Lord gave her words He had been trying to speak to me for so long. Things that I had tried to rationalize and "figure out" for so long. He had been writing these truths on my heart for years, but He chose that moment, that perfect moment to open my heart to the deep truth of them. He came upon me when I wasn't seeking, rationalizing, or over-thinking and laid them on my heart. He protected me from the enemy and my own mind and revealed to me that He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the one who will do the work in us. And, in order for me to see it, He had to come at a time when my mental guard was down.

Doris shared with me that she had struggled with the fear of man. Approaching someone with a word from God was something that maybe she wouldn't have done earlier in her life. She was overwhelmed that the Lord gave her the word for me, and was confirmed by Him at my receiving the word. We both marveled at His glory!

As we were still sitting together, the final journal prompts were given. "Where are you going?" "What's your vision?" I have always been wrapped up in these questions. I am a planner and a worker. I have struggled for so long with my purpose and what to do with my life. To give you some perspective to the extent of this struggle, I will share a little background about myself. School has always been at the top of my list. Like I shared previously, my parents HIGHLY value education, and it was my "job" to go to school and excel. I was an A student...ok, an obsessive, A+ student is more like it. I struggled through college with what I wanted to be when I grew up. I ultimately received a Biology degree with a Chemistry minor; however, I have all of the credentials to be a teacher, head to medical school, go to nursing school, and the beginnings of several other occupations. I have been a teacher. I am now a photographer that is heading to nursing school. Yes, I have indeed struggled with where I am headed. So, when the prompts were given to me, I wanted to consult with the Lord. Lord, what do you want me to do? I have a love for photography and health care. I feel so torn. What is Your vision for me? I refused to stop praying until I felt a clear answer. I was interrupted when Doris told me she had to go. However, while I was praying, she was writing me a note. After she walked away, I read the note. In it, she had written the words of Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." There it was. God's vision for me. To be set apart. Approved. His instrument. My job is to take my story of His work in me everywhere I go. I simply had to seek Him, and He would tell me what I needed to do it every situation.

One theme throughout all of this is that God will do the work. He will complete. He will fulfill. As I am writing this, I am reminded of part of the book "From Gravel to Glory" but Gina Calvert. Romans 12:1-2 (NASB) states, "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Gina goes on to speak about this passage saying,

"For a long time, it seemed to me that if I could just renew my mind, I could avoid conforming to the world, and transform myself. Both the mind renewal and the transformation were my job. I had it all wrong. If you study the passage, you will see in the first sentence that my spiritual service of worship is to present my body as a living sacrifice. In the second sentence, the verbs be conformed and be transformed are passive; they signify the difference between moving and being moved, leading and being led. One is from our own power, the other is not."

Our job is not to transform ourselves. That is the Lord's work. We simply must offer ourselves to Him, and He will do the transforming.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 25 states,

"Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]. Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the [Holy] Spirit; Do not spurn the gifts and utterances of the prophets [do not depreciate prophetic revelations nor despise inspired instruction or exhortation or warning]. But test and prove all things [until you can recognize] what is good; [to that] hold fast. Abstain from evil [shrink from it and keep aloof from it] in whatever form or whatever kind it may be. And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping
you]. Brethren, pray for us."

In Beth Moore's study "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things," she speaks in great detail about these verses. On a side note, I highly recommend that study. What I want to note here is the importance of the end of the passage that states, "Faithful is He Who is calling you and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it." How do we manage all of the things mentioned at the beginning of this passage? All of those "are manifestations that the believer does one vital thing: Allow God Himself to sanctify you through and through (When Godly People Do Ungodly Things study guide p. 61). Everything regarding our walk, our joy, our fulfillment, etc., require that we allow Him to sanctify us through and through. You must allow Him to invade every singe piece of you and your past, present and future. Through this, He will keep us blameless.

There is so much more to this study, and as I said previously, I highly recommend it. What has struck me at this moment in my life is that He is the doer. I cannot be perfect. However, I can walk a blameless life if I allow Him to sanctify me (Psalm 19:12-13).

So, what now? Now that God has called me, set me apart, given me a vision? Now, I will commit every part of my life to Him. I will pray without ceasing. I will allow Him to sanctify me. I will bring everything to Him and allow His peace to be my umpire (Colossians 3:15). I will trust that He will complete the work He began in me. I want to leave you with a few verses:

Galatians 3:1-7

"O YOU poor and silly and thoughtless and unreflecting and senseless Galatians! Who has fascinated or bewitched or cast a spell over you, unto whom--right before your very eyes--Jesus Christ (the Messiah) was openly and graphically set forth and portrayed as crucified? Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the [Holy] Spirit as the result of obeying the Law and doing its works, or was it by hearing [the message of the Gospel] and believing [it]? [Was it from observing a law of rituals or from a message of faith?] Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [your new life spiritually] with the [Holy] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [by dependence] on the flesh? Have you suffered so many things and experienced so much all for nothing (to no purpose)--if it really is to no purpose and in vain? Then does He Who supplies you with His marvelous [Holy] Spirit and works powerfully and miraculously among you do so on [the grounds of your doing] what the Law demands, or because of your believing in and adhering to and trusting in and relying on the message that you heard? Thus Abraham believed in and adhered to and trusted in and relied on God, and it was reckoned and placed to his account and credited as righteousness (as conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action). Know and understand that it is [really] the people [who live] by faith who are [the true] sons of Abraham."

Philippians 1:6

"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."

I pray today that God will continue to sanctify the saints. I pray for anyone stuck in a rut of trying to be their own hero, trying to pull themselves up spiritually by their boot straps, or anyone feeling like they have to earn God's love or salvation; may the Holy Spirit give them a new mind and heart that sees God as the doer. He is the hero. He will complete. He will save. Lord, free them! Help them understand that true obedience is bred from a thankful heart - one that realizes that they cannot of themselves do anything worthy of You. But, You are mighty to save. And because of Your amazing grace, love and mercy, we gladly obey and live to honor You and thank You for the gift which we do not deserve. In Jesus' precious name I pray!