Spirit Fall

I'm starting this blog at the beginning...a new beginning. Even though I have been a Christian for years, I have never walked as fully in the freedom of Christ as I am now, this day. I am starting this blog as a constant reminder to myself of what God has done. I also hope it serves as an encouragement to anyone who reads it. I want to pray from the start that the Lord be the author, as I am allowing him to author my life. I pray that only words that honor Him would be written. I ask that if any words are not His that they would not be read. I am a simply a woman who has been touched by the Lord and deeply desires to walk with Him. I too am trying to "work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12)." In saying this, I do not for one second believe that I have one iota of power to save myself. My salvation was a free gift given by my Savior, Jesus Christ, who I will forever worship.

This past weekend, a page was turned, the road shifted directions, my heart was forever changed. I experienced the Lord in a way I never have before. I want to simply tell the story of this weekend from my point of view.

Friday, April 15th, I arrived at The Branch for a women's event called "Express Yourself." I don't attend the church, but much of my family does including my mother-in-law, Janice, who is the women's minister there. I am a photographer by trade, and Janice thought it would be fun for the women to cut loose in a photo booth. I had agreed and was there to begin setting up. I had been invited to join in, but I honestly wasn't in a frame of mind where I wanted to be there. You see, I grew up believing in earning and working hard for what you have. I also grew up in a church that screamed about hell a lot...not that anyone should ever take hell lightly. But, the combination had created a monster over the years. I felt I had to earn my love from God. Many times, scratch that, most of the time my motivation for "being good" was to avoid hell. I grew up in EXTREME fear and doubt (more about that later if the Lord leads me to share). So, on this very day, I walked into church during a time when I wasn't walking closely with the Lord; and therefore, I didn't feel like I should have the right to be there or participate. Over the years, God has tried desperately to show me differently, but I have never been freed of these thoughts. I diligently set up my photo booth and headed to dinner with the ladies.

After dinner, there was a wonderful speaker. The group then went into a time of worship. I remember thinking, "Lord, I am so far from you. I can't even say Your name." So, my sister-in-law, Jess, and I headed to the photo room. We sat and shared what was going on in our lives. After a while, we went into the sanctuary where everyone was worshipping. I stood at the back. I hoped to blend in, go unnoticed. God would not allow that.

As I am standing there, a time of intercession begins. A sweet woman begins to pray. Women begin to flood the altar. She begins making her way through the crowd praying. I close my eyes and begin to speak to God. "Lord, I don't deserve to be here. Lord, please don't let anyone notice me." I open my eyes and see that she is walking around laying hands on women offering short blessings, "Lord bless this woman," she would say as she worked the room. I looked up to see her at the front of the aisle I was standing at the end of. She had her back turned to me. Fearing I would make eye contact, I close my eyes and continue talking to God. "Lord, I would love a word from You. No, I don't deserve a word from You. How arrogant of me to think that you would talk directly to me this night. I am going to leave the room. I don't know what to do." Then, before I could have another thought, the woman had her hand on me. I couldn't form a thought. This was very strange for me because I am a very logical, intellectual person. But in that moment, I couldn't form a logical thought. She began to pray and speak words only the Lord knew about me. She began speaking things that God had been trying for so long to tell me. I honestly cannot remember her exact words, but the Lord laid a specific word on her heart for me. I want to paraphrase what the Lord had for me rewritten so He is speaking specifically to me...

"You are beautiful. You are beautiful in my sight. I love you exactly where you are. You have walked so many miles and have endured much. You are my child. You are FREE!!!!"

The only words that came into my mind during the whole experience were, "Get on your knees." So, I obeyed. The prayer of "You are free" continued after she left. Women flooded my side and continued proclaiming my freedom. I had no thoughts...I just wept. God had stayed my busy mind and set me free. Free in Him. Free to be with Him. Free to walk and laugh with Him. Freedom like I have never experienced before. All praise and glory be to God forever!!!!!

The verse that I kept receiving after that was, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)." And, I truly can do nothing else. For the first time, God opened my eyes to this. He came to me in a low time. He came when I wasn't really seeking. He chose that moment on purpose knowing I would try to over-think it. His Spirit fell.

There is so much more that has happened since then. But for now, I want to bask in the fact that the Holy Spirit fell. The Lord met me exactly where I needed Him to in the way He knew to reach me. Thank you Lord for not leaving me where I was. I love Phil Wickham. His song "Spirit Fall" has a new meaning to me. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch you in a new way today. I pray you would experience true freedom in Christ. I pray that God would not leave you alone, that He would reach out to you at this very moment in the way He knows to reach you. I leave you with the lyrics to "Spirit Fall."

Lord, we're humbled in Your sight
Shining from above
How we need Your light
Guide us in Your grace
Guide us home

Lord, be all that we can see
We ask for you to come
We are on our knees
Save us by Your grace
Lead us home

Spirit fall hear the voices of
Your children call out to You
We bow down heal the broken heart
Have mercy on us now

Love is Pouring from Your heart
Hope is in Your hands
Life is in Your arms
Here in Your embrace
We are home

Spirit fall
Spirit fall
Hear Your children call
Spirit fall on us, fall on us now