I have to remind myself daily that it is God who is the verb. He is the doer. He will bring about the change. He will give me the words. I am His instrument (Jeremiah 1:5). How do I become an instrument? Useable? Moveable?
Over the past couple of weeks, I have found that being His instrument means to simply be in communion with Him throughout the day. It means that I have be still and quiet to hear His promptings. It means trusting when I do hear...even if I don't at first understand. So, what has this looked like over the past 2 weeks? I would love to share with you the excitement I have experienced over the past couple of weeks.
After the Holy Spirit overwhelmed me, I wanted to shout it from a mountain top. How do you go about shouting without running people off? As I have mentioned previously, I grew up in a church that shouted a lot about hell and salvation. I watched it drive away and create fear. Yes, we should acknowledge that there is a hell...it is a real and scary place. But, using fear to motivate is not what Christ speaks of. I also grew up with a grandfather who was a "Bible beater" (forgive the use of the word please, I don't know another description that fits). He was very knowledgable in regard to scripture. When he was alive, he would be who I knew I could call if I was looking for a verse but couldn't find where it was. He wrote volumes and volumes. However, in my opinion, it didn't penetrate his heart. He would almost attack people with scripture. Honestly, I found him scary most of my life. I am not judging his salvation. I just didn't see the words he spoke in his actions. With that history in mind, how do I proclaim Christ without offending, scaring, and driving people away?
I have found that God gives me what I need only at the exact moment I need it. He gives me the words, insights, leadings for each day but not for the next. In that I am learning to follow His promptings. I have found that when I force things, the words don't come. However, when I am quiet and seeking, He will place things on my heart.
I have also discovered that in order to keep me from overthinking and trying to solve things myself, He is speaking in a different way everyday. I never know when I will receive what I need for the day. It is quite amazing to experience His creativity and intimate knowledge of me (Psalm 139).
Last week, He spoke to me in Bible study. He laid the name of someone dear to me on my heart. I instantly started trying to figure it out. Lord, what does that mean? Should I call her now? What do I do with that? I received nothing more. The next day, my dear friend and I were talking and she mentioned that God had her open to the book of Job. She then received an email from a friend telling her to read Job. I will give you one guess as to what we were studying when I heard her name...Job!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't He amazing!!! But, He waited to use what He had given me to glorify Himself so I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't me!!! He is truly amazing!
This week, I was struggling in my mind...my thought life. I have been laying it before Him daily. Yet, I felt weak, scared, and unsure. I wrestled with it all day. When I finally sat down with my Beth Moore "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" study, the entire lesson for the day addressed the very thing that had weighed on my heart all day! Praise You Lord!!!!!
God is absolutely blowing my mind day after day from sharing through friends and Bible study to giving me dreams. He even used my dog to teach me this week! I am overwhelmed by His glory and desire for me to experience intimacy in Him. So, this is what an instrument feels...being moved rather than creating the motion. It is a new feeling for me...one that I don't recognize. I have always been a doer, but God wants the glory. He is the creator, potter, author. We simply have to be the instruments, clay, and pens. Would someone praise the scalpel of a surgeon for the job it has done in saving a life...that is ridiculous!!!!! To God and God alone, all glory is due. But, He wants so much to use us. He wants us to be a part of His magnificent plan and will. Lord, I give you reign. I submit my life to you. I surrender all! Make me your instrument! Help me to be guided instead of trying to forage the way. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of Your divine plan! I love you!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
What Now?
So, there I was...left in the wake of what I have called a Holy Spirit tsunami. Overwhelmed. Speechless. On fire. Thankful. Free.
I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what happened. The Lord kept reminding me to trust in Him and not to lean on my own understanding. That verse has been a comfort since the Holy Spirit fell upon me. So, for the rest of that night, I simply trusted.
The next day, the conference continued. We heard many different testimonies from amazing women - women freed from pornography, lust, affairs, prideful thoughts, abuse, rape, molestation, hurtful marriages, etc. I was overwhelmed by the love, grace and mercy poured out by our God. After each testimony, we were brought to a time of reflection and journaling. The first two prompts were "Where have you been," and "What is your story?" These two prompts were quite easy for me. I very quickly filled two pages with increasingly smaller lettering. The second two promptings were, "Where are you now," and "What is His truth about you?" As I thought about these questions, I found myself very thankful for the fresh perspective God had given me. I decided to write about what I heard Him say to me the night before. I want to briefly share some of these thoughts -
"Remember it is Him that works in me. I don't have to do it all."
"He loves me where I am...RIGHT where I am."
"I don't have to have it all together to come to Him."
"I am free!"
"I am His!"
"I am loved."
"I am beautiful."
"I have a story."
"He will never leave me."
"His love is not based on my work."
I also included Hebrews 12:2, "Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God." It is He who will complete the work He began in me.
Before the last prompt was given, Doris (the woman who God had used the previous night as His instrument to deliver His message to me), sat beside me. We began to share our different points of view of the previous night. She asked me what happened from my perspective. I told her that the Lord gave her words He had been trying to speak to me for so long. Things that I had tried to rationalize and "figure out" for so long. He had been writing these truths on my heart for years, but He chose that moment, that perfect moment to open my heart to the deep truth of them. He came upon me when I wasn't seeking, rationalizing, or over-thinking and laid them on my heart. He protected me from the enemy and my own mind and revealed to me that He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the one who will do the work in us. And, in order for me to see it, He had to come at a time when my mental guard was down.
Doris shared with me that she had struggled with the fear of man. Approaching someone with a word from God was something that maybe she wouldn't have done earlier in her life. She was overwhelmed that the Lord gave her the word for me, and was confirmed by Him at my receiving the word. We both marveled at His glory!
As we were still sitting together, the final journal prompts were given. "Where are you going?" "What's your vision?" I have always been wrapped up in these questions. I am a planner and a worker. I have struggled for so long with my purpose and what to do with my life. To give you some perspective to the extent of this struggle, I will share a little background about myself. School has always been at the top of my list. Like I shared previously, my parents HIGHLY value education, and it was my "job" to go to school and excel. I was an A student...ok, an obsessive, A+ student is more like it. I struggled through college with what I wanted to be when I grew up. I ultimately received a Biology degree with a Chemistry minor; however, I have all of the credentials to be a teacher, head to medical school, go to nursing school, and the beginnings of several other occupations. I have been a teacher. I am now a photographer that is heading to nursing school. Yes, I have indeed struggled with where I am headed. So, when the prompts were given to me, I wanted to consult with the Lord. Lord, what do you want me to do? I have a love for photography and health care. I feel so torn. What is Your vision for me? I refused to stop praying until I felt a clear answer. I was interrupted when Doris told me she had to go. However, while I was praying, she was writing me a note. After she walked away, I read the note. In it, she had written the words of Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." There it was. God's vision for me. To be set apart. Approved. His instrument. My job is to take my story of His work in me everywhere I go. I simply had to seek Him, and He would tell me what I needed to do it every situation.
One theme throughout all of this is that God will do the work. He will complete. He will fulfill. As I am writing this, I am reminded of part of the book "From Gravel to Glory" but Gina Calvert. Romans 12:1-2 (NASB) states, "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Gina goes on to speak about this passage saying,
1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 25 states,
There is so much more to this study, and as I said previously, I highly recommend it. What has struck me at this moment in my life is that He is the doer. I cannot be perfect. However, I can walk a blameless life if I allow Him to sanctify me (Psalm 19:12-13).
So, what now? Now that God has called me, set me apart, given me a vision? Now, I will commit every part of my life to Him. I will pray without ceasing. I will allow Him to sanctify me. I will bring everything to Him and allow His peace to be my umpire (Colossians 3:15). I will trust that He will complete the work He began in me. I want to leave you with a few verses:
Galatians 3:1-7
I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what happened. The Lord kept reminding me to trust in Him and not to lean on my own understanding. That verse has been a comfort since the Holy Spirit fell upon me. So, for the rest of that night, I simply trusted.
The next day, the conference continued. We heard many different testimonies from amazing women - women freed from pornography, lust, affairs, prideful thoughts, abuse, rape, molestation, hurtful marriages, etc. I was overwhelmed by the love, grace and mercy poured out by our God. After each testimony, we were brought to a time of reflection and journaling. The first two prompts were "Where have you been," and "What is your story?" These two prompts were quite easy for me. I very quickly filled two pages with increasingly smaller lettering. The second two promptings were, "Where are you now," and "What is His truth about you?" As I thought about these questions, I found myself very thankful for the fresh perspective God had given me. I decided to write about what I heard Him say to me the night before. I want to briefly share some of these thoughts -
"Remember it is Him that works in me. I don't have to do it all."
"He loves me where I am...RIGHT where I am."
"I don't have to have it all together to come to Him."
"I am free!"
"I am His!"
"I am loved."
"I am beautiful."
"I have a story."
"He will never leave me."
"His love is not based on my work."
I also included Hebrews 12:2, "Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God." It is He who will complete the work He began in me.
Before the last prompt was given, Doris (the woman who God had used the previous night as His instrument to deliver His message to me), sat beside me. We began to share our different points of view of the previous night. She asked me what happened from my perspective. I told her that the Lord gave her words He had been trying to speak to me for so long. Things that I had tried to rationalize and "figure out" for so long. He had been writing these truths on my heart for years, but He chose that moment, that perfect moment to open my heart to the deep truth of them. He came upon me when I wasn't seeking, rationalizing, or over-thinking and laid them on my heart. He protected me from the enemy and my own mind and revealed to me that He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the one who will do the work in us. And, in order for me to see it, He had to come at a time when my mental guard was down.
Doris shared with me that she had struggled with the fear of man. Approaching someone with a word from God was something that maybe she wouldn't have done earlier in her life. She was overwhelmed that the Lord gave her the word for me, and was confirmed by Him at my receiving the word. We both marveled at His glory!
As we were still sitting together, the final journal prompts were given. "Where are you going?" "What's your vision?" I have always been wrapped up in these questions. I am a planner and a worker. I have struggled for so long with my purpose and what to do with my life. To give you some perspective to the extent of this struggle, I will share a little background about myself. School has always been at the top of my list. Like I shared previously, my parents HIGHLY value education, and it was my "job" to go to school and excel. I was an A student...ok, an obsessive, A+ student is more like it. I struggled through college with what I wanted to be when I grew up. I ultimately received a Biology degree with a Chemistry minor; however, I have all of the credentials to be a teacher, head to medical school, go to nursing school, and the beginnings of several other occupations. I have been a teacher. I am now a photographer that is heading to nursing school. Yes, I have indeed struggled with where I am headed. So, when the prompts were given to me, I wanted to consult with the Lord. Lord, what do you want me to do? I have a love for photography and health care. I feel so torn. What is Your vision for me? I refused to stop praying until I felt a clear answer. I was interrupted when Doris told me she had to go. However, while I was praying, she was writing me a note. After she walked away, I read the note. In it, she had written the words of Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." There it was. God's vision for me. To be set apart. Approved. His instrument. My job is to take my story of His work in me everywhere I go. I simply had to seek Him, and He would tell me what I needed to do it every situation.
One theme throughout all of this is that God will do the work. He will complete. He will fulfill. As I am writing this, I am reminded of part of the book "From Gravel to Glory" but Gina Calvert. Romans 12:1-2 (NASB) states, "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Gina goes on to speak about this passage saying,
Our job is not to transform ourselves. That is the Lord's work. We simply must offer ourselves to Him, and He will do the transforming."For a long time, it seemed to me that if I could just renew my mind, I could avoid conforming to the world, and transform myself. Both the mind renewal and the transformation were my job. I had it all wrong. If you study the passage, you will see in the first sentence that my spiritual service of worship is to present my body as a living sacrifice. In the second sentence, the verbs be conformed and be transformed are passive; they signify the difference between moving and being moved, leading and being led. One is from our own power, the other is not."
1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 25 states,
In Beth Moore's study "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things," she speaks in great detail about these verses. On a side note, I highly recommend that study. What I want to note here is the importance of the end of the passage that states, "Faithful is He Who is calling you and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it." How do we manage all of the things mentioned at the beginning of this passage? All of those "are manifestations that the believer does one vital thing: Allow God Himself to sanctify you through and through (When Godly People Do Ungodly Things study guide p. 61). Everything regarding our walk, our joy, our fulfillment, etc., require that we allow Him to sanctify us through and through. You must allow Him to invade every singe piece of you and your past, present and future. Through this, He will keep us blameless."Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will]. Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the [Holy] Spirit; Do not spurn the gifts and utterances of the prophets [do not depreciate prophetic revelations nor despise inspired instruction or exhortation or warning]. But test and prove all things [until you can recognize] what is good; [to that] hold fast. Abstain from evil [shrink from it and keep aloof from it] in whatever form or whatever kind it may be. And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping
you]. Brethren, pray for us."
There is so much more to this study, and as I said previously, I highly recommend it. What has struck me at this moment in my life is that He is the doer. I cannot be perfect. However, I can walk a blameless life if I allow Him to sanctify me (Psalm 19:12-13).
So, what now? Now that God has called me, set me apart, given me a vision? Now, I will commit every part of my life to Him. I will pray without ceasing. I will allow Him to sanctify me. I will bring everything to Him and allow His peace to be my umpire (Colossians 3:15). I will trust that He will complete the work He began in me. I want to leave you with a few verses:
Galatians 3:1-7
"O YOU poor and silly and thoughtless and unreflecting and senseless Galatians! Who has fascinated or bewitched or cast a spell over you, unto whom--right before your very eyes--Jesus Christ (the Messiah) was openly and graphically set forth and portrayed as crucified? Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the [Holy] Spirit as the result of obeying the Law and doing its works, or was it by hearing [the message of the Gospel] and believing [it]? [Was it from observing a law of rituals or from a message of faith?] Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [your new life spiritually] with the [Holy] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [by dependence] on the flesh? Have you suffered so many things and experienced so much all for nothing (to no purpose)--if it really is to no purpose and in vain? Then does He Who supplies you with His marvelous [Holy] Spirit and works powerfully and miraculously among you do so on [the grounds of your doing] what the Law demands, or because of your believing in and adhering to and trusting in and relying on the message that you heard? Thus Abraham believed in and adhered to and trusted in and relied on God, and it was reckoned and placed to his account and credited as righteousness (as conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action). Know and understand that it is [really] the people [who live] by faith who are [the true] sons of Abraham."Philippians 1:6
I pray today that God will continue to sanctify the saints. I pray for anyone stuck in a rut of trying to be their own hero, trying to pull themselves up spiritually by their boot straps, or anyone feeling like they have to earn God's love or salvation; may the Holy Spirit give them a new mind and heart that sees God as the doer. He is the hero. He will complete. He will save. Lord, free them! Help them understand that true obedience is bred from a thankful heart - one that realizes that they cannot of themselves do anything worthy of You. But, You are mighty to save. And because of Your amazing grace, love and mercy, we gladly obey and live to honor You and thank You for the gift which we do not deserve. In Jesus' precious name I pray!"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Spirit Fall
I'm starting this blog at the beginning...a new beginning. Even though I have been a Christian for years, I have never walked as fully in the freedom of Christ as I am now, this day. I am starting this blog as a constant reminder to myself of what God has done. I also hope it serves as an encouragement to anyone who reads it. I want to pray from the start that the Lord be the author, as I am allowing him to author my life. I pray that only words that honor Him would be written. I ask that if any words are not His that they would not be read. I am a simply a woman who has been touched by the Lord and deeply desires to walk with Him. I too am trying to "work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12)." In saying this, I do not for one second believe that I have one iota of power to save myself. My salvation was a free gift given by my Savior, Jesus Christ, who I will forever worship.
This past weekend, a page was turned, the road shifted directions, my heart was forever changed. I experienced the Lord in a way I never have before. I want to simply tell the story of this weekend from my point of view.
Friday, April 15th, I arrived at The Branch for a women's event called "Express Yourself." I don't attend the church, but much of my family does including my mother-in-law, Janice, who is the women's minister there. I am a photographer by trade, and Janice thought it would be fun for the women to cut loose in a photo booth. I had agreed and was there to begin setting up. I had been invited to join in, but I honestly wasn't in a frame of mind where I wanted to be there. You see, I grew up believing in earning and working hard for what you have. I also grew up in a church that screamed about hell a lot...not that anyone should ever take hell lightly. But, the combination had created a monster over the years. I felt I had to earn my love from God. Many times, scratch that, most of the time my motivation for "being good" was to avoid hell. I grew up in EXTREME fear and doubt (more about that later if the Lord leads me to share). So, on this very day, I walked into church during a time when I wasn't walking closely with the Lord; and therefore, I didn't feel like I should have the right to be there or participate. Over the years, God has tried desperately to show me differently, but I have never been freed of these thoughts. I diligently set up my photo booth and headed to dinner with the ladies.
After dinner, there was a wonderful speaker. The group then went into a time of worship. I remember thinking, "Lord, I am so far from you. I can't even say Your name." So, my sister-in-law, Jess, and I headed to the photo room. We sat and shared what was going on in our lives. After a while, we went into the sanctuary where everyone was worshipping. I stood at the back. I hoped to blend in, go unnoticed. God would not allow that.
As I am standing there, a time of intercession begins. A sweet woman begins to pray. Women begin to flood the altar. She begins making her way through the crowd praying. I close my eyes and begin to speak to God. "Lord, I don't deserve to be here. Lord, please don't let anyone notice me." I open my eyes and see that she is walking around laying hands on women offering short blessings, "Lord bless this woman," she would say as she worked the room. I looked up to see her at the front of the aisle I was standing at the end of. She had her back turned to me. Fearing I would make eye contact, I close my eyes and continue talking to God. "Lord, I would love a word from You. No, I don't deserve a word from You. How arrogant of me to think that you would talk directly to me this night. I am going to leave the room. I don't know what to do." Then, before I could have another thought, the woman had her hand on me. I couldn't form a thought. This was very strange for me because I am a very logical, intellectual person. But in that moment, I couldn't form a logical thought. She began to pray and speak words only the Lord knew about me. She began speaking things that God had been trying for so long to tell me. I honestly cannot remember her exact words, but the Lord laid a specific word on her heart for me. I want to paraphrase what the Lord had for me rewritten so He is speaking specifically to me...
"You are beautiful. You are beautiful in my sight. I love you exactly where you are. You have walked so many miles and have endured much. You are my child. You are FREE!!!!"
The only words that came into my mind during the whole experience were, "Get on your knees." So, I obeyed. The prayer of "You are free" continued after she left. Women flooded my side and continued proclaiming my freedom. I had no thoughts...I just wept. God had stayed my busy mind and set me free. Free in Him. Free to be with Him. Free to walk and laugh with Him. Freedom like I have never experienced before. All praise and glory be to God forever!!!!!
The verse that I kept receiving after that was, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)." And, I truly can do nothing else. For the first time, God opened my eyes to this. He came to me in a low time. He came when I wasn't really seeking. He chose that moment on purpose knowing I would try to over-think it. His Spirit fell.
There is so much more that has happened since then. But for now, I want to bask in the fact that the Holy Spirit fell. The Lord met me exactly where I needed Him to in the way He knew to reach me. Thank you Lord for not leaving me where I was. I love Phil Wickham. His song "Spirit Fall" has a new meaning to me. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch you in a new way today. I pray you would experience true freedom in Christ. I pray that God would not leave you alone, that He would reach out to you at this very moment in the way He knows to reach you. I leave you with the lyrics to "Spirit Fall."
Lord, we're humbled in Your sight
Shining from above
How we need Your light
Guide us in Your grace
Guide us home
Lord, be all that we can see
We ask for you to come
We are on our knees
Save us by Your grace
Lead us home
Spirit fall hear the voices of
Your children call out to You
We bow down heal the broken heart
Have mercy on us now
Love is Pouring from Your heart
Hope is in Your hands
Life is in Your arms
Here in Your embrace
We are home
Spirit fall
Spirit fall
Hear Your children call
Spirit fall on us, fall on us now
This past weekend, a page was turned, the road shifted directions, my heart was forever changed. I experienced the Lord in a way I never have before. I want to simply tell the story of this weekend from my point of view.
Friday, April 15th, I arrived at The Branch for a women's event called "Express Yourself." I don't attend the church, but much of my family does including my mother-in-law, Janice, who is the women's minister there. I am a photographer by trade, and Janice thought it would be fun for the women to cut loose in a photo booth. I had agreed and was there to begin setting up. I had been invited to join in, but I honestly wasn't in a frame of mind where I wanted to be there. You see, I grew up believing in earning and working hard for what you have. I also grew up in a church that screamed about hell a lot...not that anyone should ever take hell lightly. But, the combination had created a monster over the years. I felt I had to earn my love from God. Many times, scratch that, most of the time my motivation for "being good" was to avoid hell. I grew up in EXTREME fear and doubt (more about that later if the Lord leads me to share). So, on this very day, I walked into church during a time when I wasn't walking closely with the Lord; and therefore, I didn't feel like I should have the right to be there or participate. Over the years, God has tried desperately to show me differently, but I have never been freed of these thoughts. I diligently set up my photo booth and headed to dinner with the ladies.
After dinner, there was a wonderful speaker. The group then went into a time of worship. I remember thinking, "Lord, I am so far from you. I can't even say Your name." So, my sister-in-law, Jess, and I headed to the photo room. We sat and shared what was going on in our lives. After a while, we went into the sanctuary where everyone was worshipping. I stood at the back. I hoped to blend in, go unnoticed. God would not allow that.
As I am standing there, a time of intercession begins. A sweet woman begins to pray. Women begin to flood the altar. She begins making her way through the crowd praying. I close my eyes and begin to speak to God. "Lord, I don't deserve to be here. Lord, please don't let anyone notice me." I open my eyes and see that she is walking around laying hands on women offering short blessings, "Lord bless this woman," she would say as she worked the room. I looked up to see her at the front of the aisle I was standing at the end of. She had her back turned to me. Fearing I would make eye contact, I close my eyes and continue talking to God. "Lord, I would love a word from You. No, I don't deserve a word from You. How arrogant of me to think that you would talk directly to me this night. I am going to leave the room. I don't know what to do." Then, before I could have another thought, the woman had her hand on me. I couldn't form a thought. This was very strange for me because I am a very logical, intellectual person. But in that moment, I couldn't form a logical thought. She began to pray and speak words only the Lord knew about me. She began speaking things that God had been trying for so long to tell me. I honestly cannot remember her exact words, but the Lord laid a specific word on her heart for me. I want to paraphrase what the Lord had for me rewritten so He is speaking specifically to me...
"You are beautiful. You are beautiful in my sight. I love you exactly where you are. You have walked so many miles and have endured much. You are my child. You are FREE!!!!"
The only words that came into my mind during the whole experience were, "Get on your knees." So, I obeyed. The prayer of "You are free" continued after she left. Women flooded my side and continued proclaiming my freedom. I had no thoughts...I just wept. God had stayed my busy mind and set me free. Free in Him. Free to be with Him. Free to walk and laugh with Him. Freedom like I have never experienced before. All praise and glory be to God forever!!!!!
The verse that I kept receiving after that was, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)." And, I truly can do nothing else. For the first time, God opened my eyes to this. He came to me in a low time. He came when I wasn't really seeking. He chose that moment on purpose knowing I would try to over-think it. His Spirit fell.
There is so much more that has happened since then. But for now, I want to bask in the fact that the Holy Spirit fell. The Lord met me exactly where I needed Him to in the way He knew to reach me. Thank you Lord for not leaving me where I was. I love Phil Wickham. His song "Spirit Fall" has a new meaning to me. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch you in a new way today. I pray you would experience true freedom in Christ. I pray that God would not leave you alone, that He would reach out to you at this very moment in the way He knows to reach you. I leave you with the lyrics to "Spirit Fall."
Lord, we're humbled in Your sight
Shining from above
How we need Your light
Guide us in Your grace
Guide us home
Lord, be all that we can see
We ask for you to come
We are on our knees
Save us by Your grace
Lead us home
Spirit fall hear the voices of
Your children call out to You
We bow down heal the broken heart
Have mercy on us now
Love is Pouring from Your heart
Hope is in Your hands
Life is in Your arms
Here in Your embrace
We are home
Spirit fall
Spirit fall
Hear Your children call
Spirit fall on us, fall on us now
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